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I come from a land down under,
Where beer does flow and men chunder,
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?

(Men at Work)


Under the Southern Cross I stand,
A sprig of wattle in my hand,
A product of our native land,
Australia, you f***ing beauty.

(Rod Marsh)


I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of rugged mountain ranges,
Of droughts, and flooding rains
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror -
The wide brown land for me.

(Dorothea Mackellar)

TOADS Down-Under

New feature

TOADS Down-Under
A regular page of features with comments from our TOAD Down Under, Tassie Devil. The colonial view.
Our Tasmanian Devil
Remember Dave Hill?
We finally tracked Dave down. Read all about the chequered past, and  Tasmanian fertility rights undertaken by  Dave.

News Archives - Old News

Dorothea Mackellar
I am indebted to John Gurney for further cultural input More...


Ancient ? Art Forms
Although Australian aboriginal cave paintings have been found going back tens of thousands of years, the widely recognised form of dot painting has been around for a relatively short 11,000 days. More...

[Tassie Devil has been shamed into a more cultural entry by the editor - normal service will be resumed as soon as possible]

(21-9-02 Tassie Devil)
The Dreamtime
The Dreamtime binds everything together.


click to enlarge
A Question of Etiquette

One suggestion for the upcoming Mega ToadFest is a Wet Tee-Shirt contest. I wonder if Ron has caught up with Barbara Delaney yet? Being out of the country for some time I have lost touch with British etiquette and I am not sure if this should be before or after 'The Queen'. (The loyal Toast)

(This may appear to be sexist, however the body depicted is that of a transvestite and I can replace the visage with that of her son if requested. Contest is open to all sexes, bring your daughter along)

(19-9-02 Tassie Devil)

[Ed: Sorry Tassie, this is sexist, nationalist, republican and anti-monarchist.  It is totally devoid of good taste and coarse.  And by the way the tits are far too small!]

Boonie's record 51 and not quite out!

Well known Tasmanian and Australian Cricketing Legend, David Boon has probably scored more first class runs in cricket than most of the English team put together (there were a few notable ducks) so why is 51 so special?  Well, this record is not for cricket runs, it is for the most cans of full strength beer consumed on a 23 hour flight from Sydney to London and still be able to walk unaided from the plane!  AB (Alan Border) was not impressed, but they did go on to win the series (yet again). 
'Onya Boonie.

(14-9-02 Tassie Devil)

Aussies, Afghans and camels.
John Gurney writes

(14-9-02 Ed)

Click to enlarge

John Calvert writes from Melbourne
John completed his ToadFest 2003 Survey Form and sadly does not plan to be there.  He commented as follows:

Sorry can't make it but hope you all have a great time and Ron drinks my share, "proper" beer please no Eurofizz or Fosters!!

(14-9-02 Ed)

President Blair
An Australian view and a semantic discussion on the terms for sycophantia.


(12-9-02 Tassie Devil)

G'Day you Pommie Bastards
By the way, did you know that 'pommie bastard' is virtually a term of endearment in this country. If they (we?) think less you'd be called a 'whinging pom', especially if there is anything that is 'not as good as back home'.

As the old joke goes: "If you are at Sydney Airport, how can you tell when a plane has come from the UK?"....."The plane lands, taxis to the arrival stand, the engines stop, but the whine continues".

[ED: The term Pom or Pommie derives from the abbreviation P.O.H.M which was a term used to denote the original convicts transported to Australia.  It stands for Prisoner of His Majesty.]

(12-9-02 Tassie Devil)

Sydney harbour Aussie Jokes
Aussies are not so good at taking it however there are one or two (anti) Aussie jokes if you feel the need to make a point;

This bloke was driving along in an old Morris Minor in NZ, yes its an old car, but they used to have a ban on imported cars there for many years and its an old joke anyway. He pulls into a petrol station and asks the attendant to "fuller up". The attendant glances in through the back window and notices several people on the back seat. He starts to count them 1,2,3,4,5. "hey", he says, " you have five people on your back seat, what kind of folk are they, where are they from?" "Oh", says the bloke, " they're Australian". "No, that can't be right, Aussies are big tough bronzed people, they can't be Australians". "Yeah, I know", says the bloke, "but these have had the bullshit taken out of them"

(12-9-02 Tassie Devil)

Rod Marsh
Under the Southern Cross I stand,
A sprig of wattle in my hand,
A product of our native land,
Australia, you f***ing beauty.

[Tassie Devil: This is of course, shouted not sung, for sprig of wattle read 'can of lager', and is the official chant after winning The Ashes, heard often in England, I believe.]

(12-9-02 Tassie Devil)

Previously on TOADS Down-Under

06 November, 2004         Ron Moss